Georgetown University’s recent propagandizing of ESPNU is, thankfully, coming to a close this evening. After 48 consecutive hours of Hoya non-schadenfreude, the freedom-loving republic of Syracuse truth-bearers is now able to place the network back on its collective “favorites” list, as opposed to its current status of “blocked” alongside such stations as Al Jazeera and Bloomberg*.
Buried within the above-linked Georgetown press release is an important note: Syracuse University will soon have the opportunity to counter this current barrage of Hoya contemptuousness. While no date is given for this Orange opus, Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician – a fellow patriot valiently thwarting the onslaught of Georgetown chicanery that surrounds the God-fearing public on a daily basis — has put out a call for Syracuse programming suggestions.
As the Internet’s foremost authority on Syracuse holiness, I feel compelled to submit a proposal. While 48 consecutive hours of Orange-related sports excellence is reasonable under the circumstances, it only makes sense that Syracuse receive 44 consecutive hours of programming**.
Football
Virginia Tech at Syracuse (1998)
An explanation is not necessary to argue the placement of this game on the programming slate. This contest stacks up favorably to Moses parting the Red Sea and the dismantling of apartheid in South Africa.
West Virginia at Syracuse (1987)
A perfect capstone to 48 hours of Syracuse exhortation. Michael Owens — wearing the vaunted 44 — diving across the line to secure the Orange’s first shot at an undefeated season in decades. Small children in Columbia have heard of this game and hold it in the same degree of awe as El Chupacabre.
Syracuse at Virginia Tech (2001)
The Hokies were ranked number four in the country before this game. After the Orange delivered truth and justice to Blacksburg, Virginia, Frank Beamer spent many nights tossing and turning to nightmares of Jamel Riddle torching his vaunted punt coverage team for a 51-yard punt return touchdown.
Syracuse at West Virginia (2000)
R.J. Anderson to Malik Campbell with 10 seconds remaining. Simply amazing.
Basketball
Gerry McNamara Plays Four Sold-Out Shows at Madison Square Garden (2006)
How many games would Syracuse have won without Gerry McNamara, Jim? Bonus points for dispatching Georgetown and Connecticut (founding members of WSDDAHMTAAI — We Support Drunk Driving and Hate Mothers That Are Against It) in consecutive nights.
Syracuse at Kansas (2003)
Syracuse secures its first National and Big XII Championship in New Orleans, Louisiana.
Syracuse at Georgetown (2004)
Gerry McNamara was genetically engineered to beat the buzzer. Hoyas were genetically engineered to wear plaid and talk about yachting.
Lacrosse
Syracuse’s 10 Successful National Championship Games (1983, 1988, 1989, 1990, 1993, 1995, 2000, 2002, 2004, 2008)
ESPNU should conduct market research as to when Johns Hopkins fans most-often watch ESPNU. These games would be perfect for prime time BlueJay viewing.
Virginia at Syracuse (1997)
Casey Powell is the Bill Brasky of lacrosse. Virginia is for lovers; Syracuse is for champions.
Syracuse at Virginia (2002)
N.C.A.A. men’s lacrosse national semifinals. The game has soldiered on into double overtime. All Syracuse needs is a miracle. The provider? Tom Hardy. With Virginia’s balls supremely rocked, Piscataway, New Jersey would never be the same.
*Michael Bloomberg, current Mayor of New York City, founded Bloomberg, L.P. in 1981. He earned a Bachelor of Science in Electrical Engineering from Johns Hopkins in 1964. The network, vicariously, is evil and promotes not only cutthroat financial success, but the violent clubbing of baby seals.
** I am operating under the assumption that all game-related programming will be limited to two hours. All other run times are noted appropriately.
