65 Minutes of Lacrosse Explained in One Pictograph

Were you busy keeping the Hoya menace at bay this Memorial Day? 

Worry not, fine Orange Empire constituent.  Hoya Suxa operative Toaster has taken the liberty of consolidating over an hour of on-field lacrosse action into one scientific pictograph:

This Championship Goes to Eleven

Hey, Georgetown:

If you have the means, I highly recommend picking one up.

Georgetown is a House of Lies

This past weekend, Georgetown University — the Nurse Ratched of academic institutions — held its 210th commencement exercises.

Or did it.

You may remember the Georgetown Propaganda Department from such efforts as:

1. Keeping the North Korean populace blissfully ignorant of the tyrannical regime of American-movie loving dictator, Kim Jong-il;
2. Building a small agricultural project in Guyana and convincing its future inhabitants that Jim Jones (a known Hoya operative) would care for them with all the love and devotion of an Alabaman to his Harley Davidson; and
3. Operation Enduring Freedom (the conspiracy theorists were right; Georgetown just needed some more sand for its burgeoning women’s beach volleyball program).

Well, the committee appears to have run afoul from one of its most expansive fabrications.  Vox Populi delivers the hilariously delicious scoop:

Newly minted College grads were probably congratulated a few dozen times on being the 210th graduating class. It’s a nice sentiment, but, unfortunately, it’s not factually accurate. The problem is that the University’s been miscounting the number of graduating classes for at least 77 years.

Georgetown history buff Matt Stoller (COL ‘08) caught onto the fact that Commencements used to be dated from 1817, the year Georgetown first awarded degrees under the power granted to it by Congress in 1815. At some point, though, the dating of Commencement was set back to 1799, the year the first college course was established, making this year the 210th Commencement.

Stoller asked about the inconsistency and his inquiry made it all the way up to John Glavin, Director of the Gervase Programs, and John Q. Pierce, the University Registrar. Glavin verified Stoller’s guess that this year was the 192nd—not the 210th—Commencement.

Check out Glavin’s response and an estimate of when the error was made, after the jump!

Matt Stoller is absolutely right. Coleman Nevils, in Miniatures of Georgetown, one of the key sources for early history says (p.79) that the first commencement was held in 1817 –two Bachelors’ degrees, an immense crowd, and a band. So we have just held the 192nd commencement. We should look into getting the numbers right from now on.

There is only one resolution for this state of affairs: Revocation of every degree that Georgetown has conferred for, at a minimum, 77 years.  To permit this prevarication to continue without swift and over-reactionary discipline is to tacitly acknowledge the understood Hoya tradition: Keepin’ track is for suckers.

Also, the following video should be required for all Georgetown faculty, staff, and students:

Virginia is a Fine University

Look on the bright side, Hopkins fans:
Pietramala will have an extra week to work on his offseason mullet.