Georgetown Full of Shit II

Eds. Note: I will not make a “pigfucker” crack.  I will not make a “pigfucker” crack.  I will not make a “pigfucker” crack.  I will not make a “pigfucker” crack.

Georgetown is full of pigfuckers.

Eds. Note: Whoops.

Last October, Georgetown University — the international puppet master that keeps the Jonas Brothers viable and your ears bleeding — instituted a school-wide “Employees must not wash their hands” policy.  The end result?  A sustained outbreak of shit not seen since Craig Esherick prowled the Hoya sideline.

In an apparent effort to corner the market in diarrehea-based diseases, Georgetown recently prepared some bad bacon and tried to kill at least 250 of its burgeoning Hitler Youth with swine flu:

Georgetown #H1N1 cases hovering around 250, according to University official.

I wouldn’t worry too much about this.  It’s not like swine flu has actually killed anyone, right?

GENEVA — Some 3,917 people have died from swine flu infections since the A(H1N1) virus was uncovered in April, the World Health Organisation said on Friday.

This marks a jump of 431 deaths compared to a week ago when 3,486 deaths were recorded, said the UN health agency in its weekly data on the pandemic published on its website.

The Americas region continued to post the highest number of fatal cases, at 2,948.

Attention Georgetown students: You are going to die.  Science says so.

And as you are going to kick off, how about showing a little compassion for once in your life and dispose of your used swine flu tissues directly into John Thompson III’s mouth?

The Complete Opposite of “Shocked”: “Unshocked”

The Binghamton Mafia is officially disbanding, but here’s the most important thing: The Don of the Bearcat Cartel is a Hoya.

That’s right.  Kevin Broadus, the third-year kingpin of Central New York’s most dysfunctional amalgamation of crime and debauchery, was a tenured assistant under current Georgetown czar John Thompson III. 

Visual evidence confirms the fact that everything Broadus needed to learn to lead questionable individuals of low moral and ethical velocities he learned at Georgetown:

Disgusting.

The basketball/criminal justice program that Broadus built – presumably with tacit affirmation from his former mentor – was one of Georgetownian deceit.  In a February piece penned by fine Syracuse University graduate and ethical compass Pete Thamel, Broadus had the following to say about his rag-tag group of burgeoning societal threats:

Broadus, 45, said that his players had been “exceptional in the classroom” and that giving young men a second chance was part of his job. He referred to Georgetown’s acceptance of Allen Iverson despite an arrest in high school for his part in a bowling alley brawl.

“Look back at Georgetown. Allen Iverson has been a model citizen in America. He’s taken care of his family and is playing well in the N.B.A. We’re in the business of giving kids opportunities to better themselves in life. That’s my job.” 

If “America” means “Inner city Sodom and Gomorrah,” then yes, Kevin, you are spot on.  Crazy, batshit insane with a side of cole slaw, but bulls-eye correct.

To drive home his point, Broadus added the following bon mot:

“Who knows how any of these kids are going to turn out?”

I’m going to go with “Whatever the Honorable Judge Says” for $1,000, Kevin.

January 25, 2010

You have plans.

Please note: The established date for this contest only provides for 137 days of preparation.  Proper preparation generally requires, at a minimum, 180 days of anger-inducing rumination. 

We’re at DEFCON 3, people.  The enemy is nigh.