Let’s be honest: I’m not as nice as Sean over at Troy Nunes is an Absolute Magician. Sean diligently aggregates all the “Beat” hashtag material and delicately constructs a listing of the participation.
Me? Well, I’m a little more discerning. To determine which hashtag cracks deserved recognition, I followed the following procedure for inclusion:
- Preference was given to cracks that I wrote. If you don’t like that, the resolution is simple: just be funnier than me.
- Preference was then given to legitimately interesting cracks.
- Preference was then given to anything remotely creative and not derivative of cracks that I or others have made in the past. I refuse to acknowledge cracks that just follow the format of cracks that I or others have told before. Joke stealing is consistent with arson in my book.
- Finally, preference was given to earlier cracks as I have things to do tonight that do not involve the Internet.
With that said, here are the best #BeatAkron cracks of the day:
It was supposed to be called Acorn University. Most of the students don’t notice the typo. #BeatAkron
In the rankings for bombed-out urban wastelands, Akron took 1st, just ahead of Baghdad. #BeatAkron
I’m not sure why everyone’s so down on Akron. There’s plenty to do there. You can go to Columbus, Cleveland or Toledo. #BeatAkron
I’d say Akron is the reason for our acid rain, but that would imply it has active industry. #BeatAkron
I’m not even wasting my time on Akron…it is in Ohio that’s insulting enough #BeatAkron
The two pilots that missed the airport – they smell Akron from 30,000 feet and it knocked them out #BeatAkron
Akron: Where middle-class is high-class. #BeatAkron
Akron is so bad, the SU Twitterati is saving it’s A-Game for another day #BeatAkron
“Lack of talent” was discovered at the University of Akron #BeatAkron
RIP Soupy Sales, you would have been the smartest man at Akron #BeatAkron
Boones Farm drinks Akron.. #BeatAkron
It is illegal to get fish drunk in Ohio. That is why Scranton is better than Akron #BeatAkron
Akron’s football program is like the United Nations. Both are horrifically irrelevant. #BeatAkron
How can you say that about the rubber capital of the USA (thank you wikipedia)? Wait… I thought Akron was in Canada. #BeatAkron
Lebron’s Hummer scandal remembered in Akron as 1st and only case of man receiving Hummer from a woman in city history #BeatAkron
In Akron, it’s not called “suicide”, it’s called “graduation”. #BeatAkron
I went to Akron and all I got was this lousy Jim tressel sweater vest… #BeatAkron
Reason to call a urologist #172: When she says “That was fun. By the way I’m from Akron” #BeatAkron
Akron’s Chamber of Commerce is that one guy who can afford a briefcase. #BeatAkron
If Akron is truly a slice of heaven, it’s time to start breaking some Commandments. #BeatAkron
Halloween is a perfect excuse for Akron grads to dress up as successful people #BeatAkron
Economic development in Akron means gettin’ a new Arby’s. #BeatAkron
Shit-stained cum guzzlers. #BeatAkron
Akron doesn’t have a Mayor. Rather, it maintains an “Arm Wrestler Emeritus.” #BeatAkron
Akron: the best seventh rate city in Ohio! #BeatAkron
Everyone knows the old saying, “Virginia is for lovers; Akron is for herpes.” #BeatAkron
Smell the unexpected…. #BeatAkron
“And there was a great quake, and the sun became black as sackcloth, and the moon became as blood.” Just another Akron morning. #BeatAkron
Akron – now with 50,000 more assholes than Dayton! #BeatAkron
Akron: now with 25% more chlamydia! #BeatAkron
Bob Smith, founder of Alcoholics Anonymous, is from Akron. Nuff said. #BeatAkron
Lebron James is from Akron, yet “the pride of Akron, Ohio” is a freaking blimp. #BeatAkron
What do Balloon Boy and Akron QBs have in common? None of them showed up. #BeatAkron
Refusing to acknowledge Sanjay Gupta’s birthday since like forever #BeatAkron
See unexpected Pleasures at Akron library, ie. books… #BeatAkron
The ‘Palm Springs’ of Ohio…. #BeatAkron
Akron, making kazakhstan look good (i liiiiiiike) #BeatAkron
“Akron” is actually derived from the Indian word “Ackrunn,” which means “Land of the FUPA.” #BeatAkron
If Akron was a person it would ride the short bus. #BeatAkron
Akron is the kind of place where “Black Tie” means wearing your finest Johnny Cash denim. #BeatAkron
“Akron: We’re Almost Cleveland.” #BeatAkron
#BeatAkron because Syracuse should beat them 100 out of 100 times according to Dr. Gross.
#BeatAkron because T-Pain is way better. wait… what? #BeatAkron
The Charva Capital of the Midwest #BeatAkron
What is Akron good for? Zip #BeatAkron
#BeatAkron It’s no Lyons, Kansas
Akron: Cleveland’s urinal #BeatAkron
Greg Robinson considered Akron job but there wasnt anything to destroy #BeatAkron
Roller coasters have tougher admission standards than Akron #BeatAkron
The Zips are so bad – so bad – that they actually struggled to beat Syracuse last year! #BeatAkron
Even the tires that are produced there don’t want to stay #BeatAkron
#BeatAkron everyone else has
Akron has produced 2 things: Lebron and massive and widespread depression #BeatAkron
Posted by Hoya Suxa 
Posted by Hoya Suxa 
Posted by Hoya Suxa 